Yesterday, wanting to make the most of the nice weather, we decided to go out again as a family. This time we had settled on somewhere we have been a number of times before, Pulborough Brooks which is an RSPB run place, this is usually a good bet because we know what I can and can’t manage. It’s not too far from us which is a bonus for a couple of reasons, firstly because travel for me is rather painful and secondly since my niece has become taller and Skoda made the back seats of their cars smaller we all struggle to fit in the car (I cannot afford a mobility car and we cannot get a larger family car either). Another huge bonus with Pulborough Brooks is that they have an off-road scooter to hire, which means that I can mainly join in and I can get around without worrying that I can’t manage the terrain. We phoned up on the day so I was a bit worried that this wouldn’t be available as usually we give 24-48 hours notice, but shock of all shocks (for us anyway) was that it was available and we could borrow it!! So we all went off crammed into the car, well those in the back seat are which I always feel guilty about because I can’t cope in the back (and at my size unfortunately it would be even more cramped). We had lunch first which came with a wonderful view and lots of little sparrows…..
The scooter was so good to have and although there weren’t many birds about we had a good time. The only downside for me was I needed my emergency kit (will be posting about this really soon as it’s becoming an essential piece of kit for me). I needed it before we got back but faced with a compost loo or a wait until we were back at the start was for me no contest, I waited (using a compost loo once in my life on a school trip to the centre for alternative technology was once too many, I like my comfort I just don’t do anything like that!!) mum managed in the toilet like a trooper to help me change etc. It’s an unfortunate but increasingly common need for me. We then managed a sneaky ice cream before going home (shhhh if you don’t tell anyone it won’t have had any calories in it)
So for once a family trip didn’t end with arguments or disappointment. We enjoyed the day and I participated as much as I could (the hides really aren’t negotiable by me in an extra large scooter so someone waited with me outside while my niece went in to see what she could spot) RSPB Pulborough Brooks was a good trip out for us.
Some photos of the day……
Have you got any go to places that you enjoy as a family??
One more of the many, many downsides of “the unspeakable problem” (incontinence, see other posts for some of the other problems) for me is the many clothes changes I’m going through at the moment!! If I was rich I have to admit that this would be a big up-side because it would be the perfect excuse to have more outfits than are needed by any normal person. I could spend thousands on lingerie that would fit the awful pads I have to wear, and would be able to buy clothes to my hearts content. Furthermore I would be able to afford to buy or have a wonderful wardrobe or changing room to house all these clothes. But unfortunately, for me, that is not an option. I don’t have enough clothes to accommodate the regular, up to, 4 changes of trousers a day. My mum is washing clothes as often as she can, sometimes once a day. But that’s not enough, and alas this can lead to quite unfortunate clothes combinations. One of these combinations happened today. As I wasn’t going out it didn’t matter and as my mum has to go upstairs to get my changes of clothes for me I am not, and would not complain about these combinations. Today’s was quite spectacular, two wonderfully clashing patterns and colours made me rather giggle to myself. What do you think??
I can’t say that I’m the height of fashion at the best of times, I’ve always rather been comfy and had my own style than wear something just because fashion dictates. These delightfully funny clashes however will firmly plant me in the eccentric person category rather than chic en vogue, and the sniggers will be aimed towards me!! However I have to say on this one I will be joining in!!!
I know it’s not something that most people talk about and there is a reason for that but today I want to talk incontinence. It’s not talked about because it is embarrassing, it’s not interesting and it’s not something that you want most people to know about. It’s not something that you can just chat about with friends but when, like me, you have it you can’t just forget about it. So I’ve decided to be open with some of my struggles with it in the hope that at least one other person reads it and realises that they aren’t alone. I’ve got separate diagnoses for this, I’ve got mixed urinary incontinence functional incontinence and nocturia. What does that mean?? To be honest not 100% sure and to me it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I don’t get the normal urge to go to the toilet, my body doesn’t tell me that I just need to go to the loo instead it waits and only tells me when I’m absolutely bursting to go and this means that by the time I get to the toilet I’ve already started to go. As discussed before I have a big problem with staying asleep, but if I did stay asleep I’d be waking up needing to go and the same problem then happens in that I can’t get there in time. I have seen urologists, specialist physiotherapists and had tablets, exercises and even stimulation none of which has worked. I now have an incontinence nurse who prescribes pads.
The biggest problem with pads is none are fit for my needs, well none that we’ve found. I either leak meaning I’m having to change clothes 3 or 4 times a day, or they’re uncomfortable or both. The new ones I’ve had from the nurse didn’t stick, and my niece wondered what was in my trousers. I think that the bigger pads are designed for older bed bound people not people like me. Sensory wise I hate having to wear pads and with having to change all the time so my GP and I agreed that something more long term is needed and so we’re looking into the possibility of full time catheters. It’s testament to the fact that I am at the end of my tether with this because I hate hospitals and the thought of another op fills me with dread, but I can simply not go on like I am. So it’s another waiting game, seeing if and who will consider me and then which sort of catheter I might be able to have. Who knows. But for this and future posts about this the unspeakable problem is becoming speakable, I’m not saying it’s not embarrassing but it shouldn’t be hidden away. We can’t help it, it’s our bodies having some sort of problem. Mine is my wonky body not working correctly again.
So it’s onto the next stage for me, urology for possible catheters. More questions for now to then hopefully sort out my unspeakable problem!!!
Eurgh look at the range, not the height of comfort or fashion in any way shape or form!!! (And these aren’t the worst!!) Pads are for illustration only and aren’t nearly as bad as my actual pads!!!
This week I have had two hospital appointments, both at our local hospital which has meant that I have been able to get to them in my mobility scooter. It’s meant though that for the rest of the week I’ve not really done anything, I’ve not been able to go out in between because for me that is the extent of my energy supplies. The rest of the week has seen me on the sofa hoping to conserve enough energy to make it through the appointments. Pacing for me doesn’t always work, I am not very good at working out what I can and can’t do and I get frustrated at my lack of energy after doing something which just shouldn’t take as much energy as it does. Now I will admit that appointments though do take an awful lot of my energy, I have learned through trial and error that 2 is my absolute limit unless in exceptional circumstances. It’s partly because just getting anywhere, even on my mobility scooter, uses energy but it’s also partly because appointments especially hospital appointments set off almost every one of my sensory issues. They are noisy, they smell horrible, the lights flicker and are bright, there are too many people, there are just too many things to cope with all at once. My sensory side just wants to go and rock in a quiet corner outside and leave my rational side to go in and deal with the appointment anxiety. You see for me hospitals and doctors have also become a place for me to fear, a place where I have heard “it’s all in your head” more times than I care to remember and so an appointment especially with a new person or department are panic inducing, will the person listen, will they have heard of EDS, will they know what POTS is, will they know enough about these things to not call me a liar? It’s also often a place where instead of the answers I seek, I get more questions. So two appointments this week has been my limit, and despite not doing much else to cope with these this afternoon has still seen me yawning so much that I think my mum has thought that I’ve been trying to swallow her!!! As I have been worried about my appointments I haven’t been thinking of my blog so much. I will also be having a rest day tomorrow as my POTS during my appointments was going mental, I had a pulse rate of over 140 at one point, some of it was with the panic that the appointments set off but a lot of it was definitely my POTS.
My appointments were fairly well spread out, I had the podiatrist on Monday and then today was the unmentionable appointment!! It’s not an easy topic to cover, for me it’s mightily embarrassing but for the first time I will bring it up, today’s appointment was at the incontinence nurse. I have had numerous interventions to try and help with this, but nothing has worked (I might come back to those at another time if you will indulge me here) so today was solely about sorting me out with pads. The array of the most embarrassing, sole destroying pads was brought out to show me after I was given another label to add to my ever expanding list I am now considered to be “functionally incontinent”. To be honest at this point I was taking very little in so apart from the fact that there is now nothing that can really be done to improve this situation, it is down to my disability, I didn’t really understand that term. I was more concerned that having to currently change my pads up to 11 times a day, the 4 pads that can be provided by the service isn’t going to be enough and the fact that at 38 I don’t want this to be my life from now on. I also was not very happy with the pads and the fact that they were huge. But there we are, for now at least I will have 4 pads a day provided for me on a 3 monthly basis. The rest I will have to pay for. We shall see what the future will bring but for me the unmentionable problem is, if you will allow an extremely cringe worthy pun, a complete pain in the backside!!