I sometimes wish my brain worked like other people’s!!

Last night I went up to bed. I walked into my room, and despite my mum having spent hours that morning tidying and cleaning my room the first thing I noticed was that my teddy bears had been moved. I looked around, where were they? The first words that came out of my mouth, before I had even thought about it, weren’t thank you so much mum my room looks amazing I’m so grateful for you helping me again and always (which I totally meant)…….no I couldn’t say that, instead the first thing I could say was “where are my teddies?” Mum’s face fell, all that work wasn’t appreciated. But it was, so very very much. It looks amazing, but for me I couldn’t cope with that one little change. No amount of apology, no amount of gratitude could undo that first phrase that came out of my lips.

It’s so very difficult to explain to someone who hasn’t got any problem with change but the only way I can begin to try is to borrow from the Big Bang Theory. Sheldon uses an old jumper that Leonard is allergic to to “teach” him that certain situations cause him to have an “itchy brain” and the jumper is like that and he is told that he can’t take it off. It’s a similar thing to that, or asking someone to wear a jumper that is too small and tight. It’s uncomfortable and it gets more so, to the point that all rational thoughts go out of your brain and are replaced with an irrational over reaction that you cannot control. Change, for me, has to be a gradual thing or something I’m prepared for. Unfortunately this came at the end of a week of problems with changes and was just one step too far and my brain as usual in this situation just shut off the rational portion and went into irrational mode. My regular carer is away and my rota had a lot of unallocated calls on it, to add to that when I enquired about who I was going to be having they had not only put someone in that I’d never had before; at a different time to my regular call but they had taken the person who I was expecting out. This set off a series of conversations with me in a complete state, my mum (as always) stepped in and took the stress away by saying that she would do the calls for me (so you can see why my over reaction was so much worse, because my mum really is amazing).

The room change, although extremely small in the context of things, just sent my brain off and meant that I hurt someone who I love and appreciate very much. To say I was mortified was an understatement. I cried myself to sleep, I woke up as usual in the middle of the night and it was all I could still think about. When these over reactions happen I almost always, and usually immediately want to take it all back. But you can’t. All you can do is apologise and regret what you’ve done, and if you are like me this regret usually lasts for weeks. My mum has put the teddies back, but the upset they caused will linger and leads me back to my title “I wish my brain worked like other peoples”.

So do you have any coping strategies for coping with change? Do you have a big problem with it like I do? Do you have something else that you have this sort of over reaction to? I’d love to know what you’d do or to know that I’m not alone in this. Please share below.

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16 thoughts on “I sometimes wish my brain worked like other people’s!!

  1. This is perfect. My 11 year old could have been the person writing this. I no longer feel like I’m spoiling her or giving in and I feel more confident arguing her case about the teddy situation. Thank you and keep cuddling

  2. You are definitely not alone. I’m not so bad when it comes to change but there have been a few instances where someone has done something nice for me like what your mum did and my immediate reaction wasn’t to thank them but to criticise them for doing it wrong. I felt like a horrible person for not holding that in and thanking them.

  3. I was like that before my kids came into this world. Now I have a different perception, change is apparent.It will come like technology, fast food etc.I think like children we should move on and see the new things with excitement and curiosity.Accept the goodness and if it is not working for you, just leave it!! although it is not easy always!!

  4. I use to have issues with change but over the years I have just learnt to live with it. Love how honest you are in this post x

  5. Wow. I was diagnosed with OCD 6 years ago after suffering with it all my life, and i can certainly relate to this. I have issues with change to, a lot of my OCD centres around it. Also, i completely forgot about the sheldon itchy brain analogy! I too often wish my brain was like everyone elses, especially when im in the clutches of an ‘episode’ or when i take my meds every morning.
    I find writing about it and seeing my irrational thoughts on a piece of paper in front of my helpful to view it from outside of my brain, if that makes sense. Breathing exercises also help to calm me down when i panic.

    Thank you for sharing x

    Meg
    bekindtoyourmind.org

  6. Your mom is the best as she jumps in to help care for you. And for your overacting, don’t stress it, happens to the best of us. Good thing is you apologize and I know she understands. That’s what mom’s are for.

  7. I love the Big Bang analogy! Such a great way to explain a misunderstood subject. Does your mom read this blog? Seems like she’d like this one. 🙂

  8. You’ve written such important words here because there are so many folks who have the same kinds of issues. My daughter who is now in her 30’s was like you when she was a little kid. Her room was like walking into a curated museum display and pity the person who might walk across the little mat that was arranged ‘just-so’ and cause a wrinkle! I never had to tidy her room because she was always tweaking and adjusting.

    By the way, I think your blog looks terrific too. Love the pale pink and your photos are wonderful. I’m glad I stopped in to say hi. Debrah

  9. Aw bless you, it must be awful feeling like that! Don’t let the regret of not saying thank you in the first instance eat at you too much, I’m pretty sure your mother doesn’t let it bother her as much as you believe it did.
    I’ve done the same in my lifetime, people have done nice things for me and my reaction has been either “what have you done with so and so” or mostly “omg look at the mess” … im a mother of 5 and I’m still learning to take the time to look beyond all the mess etc and just appreciate and be grateful they have made me something special 🙈 I should be embarrassed to say that I look beyond the nice things and mainly look at the negatives of the situation but all I can really do is work at my gratitude and look beyond the rest!
    It’s not always easy and I am getting better at it but I’ve got to re-set myself from the environment I grew up in and try again not to do the same with my children.
    Thanks for sharing, don’t beat yourself up about it too much. X

  10. My son has some issues with change and also blurting out the first thought that comes to mind, even if it’s not necessarily “polite” or within social convention. But the truth is that I know this about him and while he may not always tell me upfront or in so many words I know he appreciates it. Your mom probably does too.
    I think most people dislike change, just some are more sensitive to it or react more openly than others. I think the key may be to keep trying little “safe” new things that way changes don’t seem so daunting.

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