January is always a blue month, I guess for most people, but I really do find that it is for me. For others it might be the reality of the resolutions kicking in and the resolve diminishing or completely going, or it might just be that pay day for those who work is a longer way away because you’ve been paid earlier in December. For me it’s neither of those, I don’t make resolutions and I can’t work, but rather it is the reality of another year started and still being in the same place as last year. This year it seems to have hit me even harder than normal, I can’t see any reason for that but I’m really struggling to find a way to pick myself up. Everything, you see, is on repeat. I do the same things week in week out, and even the new things that I pick up to do or try don’t achieve anything as they are part of the same days where I’m still doing the same things just a slightly different version of it. I think that the reality of my situation is making it harder, the electric wheelchair which I so desperately need seems further away than ever and moving out (if it ever happens) comes with a lot of pitfalls for me. I can say that while money can’t buy happiness a lottery win would sort out a lot of my issues, I could sort out living accommodation, I could buy a car and the electric wheelchair. I could even buy myself a dog which I could train as an assistance dog. But that is so out of the realms of possibility that it is laughable, I’m so unlucky that I haven’t won a competition in years and lottery tickets we buy don’t even win the minimum amount (we only even very occasionally win a free lucky dip)!! I know that winning the lottery isn’t really a possibility for most anyway (so I’m not the only one), but the way things are at the moment it seems that it will take that before at least a number of my issues are sorted. We had my lovely Occupational Therapist round this week, she was seeing if there was anything that she could do to help me with some of my issues. But as seems to be the case with most things there are so many loopholes and pitfalls and I fall into every single one of them!! She is going to try and see if we can get a portable ramp for our door, but a standard one isn’t suitable and is actually dangerous! But even with an electric wheelchair I’m still stuck, it will make a huge difference to me and my general well being but it won’t help me out of the situation I’m in. Mum simply calls it our prison, and that’s what it is for the moment at least. It’s hard to explain just how we feel but it’s certainly making everything hard and is definitely hard to lift out of.
Mum and I decided that as we had the house to ourselves on Saturday we’d watch some films to cheer ourselves up, unfortunately whether it was our mood or just the films we chose but it really didn’t help at all!!! Typical really as when you’re really struggling mood wise it’s best to stick to your comfort zone, that also seems to include films. So next time we get time to watch films I’m going to stick to my favourites I think and save new ones that I’ve not seen yet until I’m feeling better!! We really didn’t have a good day at all in the end, which doesn’t bode well for our week ahead.
So rather than my whole post be negative I thought I’d share with you what I’ve been working on again, first I have finished a little owl knit kit that I got with my Let’s Knit magazine. Can’t decide with her whether to keep her or give her away! What do you think?
Then I decided to have a go at bullet journaling. Not sure I actually know how to do it properly but I’m, as usual, doing it in my own special way!! I’m also trying to improve my photo’s so you’ll have to let me know what you think and if you have any tips to help me. For now, bullet journals! I have to write lists, if I don’t I forget things. I write shopping lists, to do lists, lists for when I go to the doctors and lists of things I want to do etc so you can see why a journal that is all about lists appealed to me! A friend of mine has been doing it for a while but I’ve held off thinking that knowing me I’ll get addicted, but recently I’ve been looking for new creative outlets and with my brain fog moments getting more and more I decided that I should start. My version of bullet journaling is having pages of things that I want, films I want to see, crafts I want to do etc. I’ve even got a page for songs so that when I hear them I can write them down (you would not believe how behind the times I am with regards to songs, my niece knows so many more than me it is just another way that I feel rather old and out of it!) I don’t know if this is right or if it’s just my way but whatever it is I am enjoying it. I’m enjoying making the pages look a little different and just using a little creativity, so if I’m doing it wrong I don’t care. I need to think of some more ideas for pages, if you can think of any I would love to hear from you. This is what I’ve done so far…….
This is the pad I’ve used (had to get Harry Potter in there somewhere!!)
And then my pages……
Yes I know the lighting isn’t great, it’s so dark outside and I need to sort the light out. I’ve got a small photography tent and a great compact camera so I’m thinking that at least for photographing my crafts, I might start using that. Have you any tips, what accessories and props do you use for your photos?? Any ideas for me?
So although things here aren’t great, I’m trying my best to keep going. I’m trying to keep occupied, the old adage “fake it till you make it” is very apt. Let’s see how it goes!! Have you got the January blues? What are you doing to help yourself get over them? Are you into bullet journaling? Have you got any new page idea’s for me? Have you any photographing tips? What do you think of my little owl? Let me know in the comments.