As I’ve not had so much time to write and post recently my next few posts will be catch up ones from what I’ve done over the past couple of weeks. They might seem a bit out of date or written as if it was before we went out (because they were started before), yet now it’s after but I wanted to share them still so I hope you will indulge me!!
For me Sunday, this week, will see me going to wings and wheels. It’s an event I’ve wanted to go to for years and for various reasons haven’t yet got to, however due to my anxiety and previous experiences rather than looking forward to going I’m slowly building up my panic levels. You would think that something I have wanted to go to would be a really good thing but when previously I’ve looked forward to an event or outing something has gone wrong. I’ve been ill, or something has happened while there, sometimes it’s someone else has been I’ll but it’s just not lived up to expectations. Yes I’ve had some good experiences but usually those have been the ones like this where instead of looking forward to my day I’ve been anxious up until we have got to whatever it is!! Another issue with going to wings and wheels is that it’s a family outing, as I’ve mentioned before they haven’t usually gone to plan. Now yes the other week when we went to Pulborough Brooks that went well, however Fridays trip didn’t go particularly well. You see as my uncle came down Thursday from Manchester we decided to go out for the day. Plan one fell through because the mobility scooter hire was one you had to do their course to borrow so, despite me having used various scooters for years, theirs must’ve been a really weird one because they have to teach you to use it. Plan two fell through because the secomd places scooter hire was in hour and a quarter slots, you couldn’t book more than one slot and the time we could have had it from would have covered lunch and no more. Plan 3 consisted of a hastily planned trip to a garden’s that I wasn’t 100% sure about as it said graveled paths. But as they (my family) all wanted to go I said I’d try as sometimes it’s not as bad as expected. I should have listened to my first thoughts though because unfortunately I couldn’t even go past the cafe at the beginning because I couldn’t get the scooter to work comfortably for me on the gravel. So that trip ended with me sat for just over an hour in an uncomfortable booth while my whole family got to enjoy the gardens!!! Moaning me??…..yes I actually felt rather sorry for myself!!!
It was this trip that made Wings and Wheels seem more a thing to panic than anticipate well. It obviously wasn’t just that but that was the final straw.
Another reason for me to panic about Sunday is “the unspeakable problem” because of course on any outing it rears its ugly head. As anyone who struggles with this knows porta-loos and needing help in a toilet does not mix, especially if you have a problem using public toilets anyway. You have to ask yourself “will there even be a disabled one, if so what will it be like?” I have had a rather fast decline of my symptoms recently and so have had a lot of use out of my emergency kit (see other post if you don’t know what that is!!) I’ve even had to buy absolutely soul destroying waterproof sheets for my bed and just as soul destroying (if not more) pants as I have had big problems during the night. So for me the concept of a full long day out without a usable toilet to change in is filling me with dread. I might be pleasantly surprised but I’m not expecting it to be very good for my problems with the unspeakable problem!!
We shall have to see!! So what are you like, do you look forward to things? Or are you more cautious? Let me know what you’re like and what you dread happening when you go out??