This week I have had two hospital appointments, both at our local hospital which has meant that I have been able to get to them in my mobility scooter. It’s meant though that for the rest of the week I’ve not really done anything, I’ve not been able to go out in between because for me that is the extent of my energy supplies. The rest of the week has seen me on the sofa hoping to conserve enough energy to make it through the appointments. Pacing for me doesn’t always work, I am not very good at working out what I can and can’t do and I get frustrated at my lack of energy after doing something which just shouldn’t take as much energy as it does. Now I will admit that appointments though do take an awful lot of my energy, I have learned through trial and error that 2 is my absolute limit unless in exceptional circumstances. It’s partly because just getting anywhere, even on my mobility scooter, uses energy but it’s also partly because appointments especially hospital appointments set off almost every one of my sensory issues. They are noisy, they smell horrible, the lights flicker and are bright, there are too many people, there are just too many things to cope with all at once. My sensory side just wants to go and rock in a quiet corner outside and leave my rational side to go in and deal with the appointment anxiety. You see for me hospitals and doctors have also become a place for me to fear, a place where I have heard “it’s all in your head” more times than I care to remember and so an appointment especially with a new person or department are panic inducing, will the person listen, will they have heard of EDS, will they know what POTS is, will they know enough about these things to not call me a liar? It’s also often a place where instead of the answers I seek, I get more questions. So two appointments this week has been my limit, and despite not doing much else to cope with these this afternoon has still seen me yawning so much that I think my mum has thought that I’ve been trying to swallow her!!! As I have been worried about my appointments I haven’t been thinking of my blog so much. I will also be having a rest day tomorrow as my POTS during my appointments was going mental, I had a pulse rate of over 140 at one point, some of it was with the panic that the appointments set off but a lot of it was definitely my POTS.
My appointments were fairly well spread out, I had the podiatrist on Monday and then today was the unmentionable appointment!! It’s not an easy topic to cover, for me it’s mightily embarrassing but for the first time I will bring it up, today’s appointment was at the incontinence nurse. I have had numerous interventions to try and help with this, but nothing has worked (I might come back to those at another time if you will indulge me here) so today was solely about sorting me out with pads. The array of the most embarrassing, sole destroying pads was brought out to show me after I was given another label to add to my ever expanding list I am now considered to be “functionally incontinent”. To be honest at this point I was taking very little in so apart from the fact that there is now nothing that can really be done to improve this situation, it is down to my disability, I didn’t really understand that term. I was more concerned that having to currently change my pads up to 11 times a day, the 4 pads that can be provided by the service isn’t going to be enough and the fact that at 38 I don’t want this to be my life from now on. I also was not very happy with the pads and the fact that they were huge. But there we are, for now at least I will have 4 pads a day provided for me on a 3 monthly basis. The rest I will have to pay for. We shall see what the future will bring but for me the unmentionable problem is, if you will allow an extremely cringe worthy pun, a complete pain in the backside!!